We are designed to live in harmony and in connection with others as part of a thriving community.
Evidence shows us we thrive when we are part of a community and have positive relationships with others. Research shows having a social support network improves hormone, immune, cardiovascular, and mental health and increases longevity.
What does this mean?
I think of us as having two components;
a. being part of a community - this might be a family, or a team of sorts, where you have a role within that collective. We use the strengths of it's members for a common 'goal'. And
b. having others who you are close to, people you love and trust; who you share deeper, meaningful conversations with.
'Being social' can be confused with being at parties, the pub, events etc. But our social orientation can depend on what helps to make us feel connected to others, where you feel as though you belong.
On the flip side, social isolation is a risk factor with a comparable potency to that of well-established negative health behaviors, such as smoking; It is shown to be more predictive of overall survival versus smoking up to 15 cigarettes per day. Unfortunately, the modern lifestyle is a recipe for disconnection.
Why do we need community?
Survival appears to always be at the foundation of understanding how our body works. If we are part of a group/pack/tribe, then we have a team of people to use various skillsets to fend off predators, hunt in packs, etc. It makes sense then, relationship brings about physiological benefits; increased levels of oxytocin and endorphins, which are associated with feelings of pleasure, calm, love; all the good things! Some of which are immediately noticeable like a ‘buzz of positive energy’ and can feel addictive, hence our desired to 'fit in' and be part of a community - it helps us survive at a primal level.
Note. Brene Brown wisely differentiates 'fitting in' as us changing who we are but 'belonging' is when we are authentically us within our community.
Taking Action
Research supports helping others can bring you feelings of satisfaction and happiness and improve your self-esteem. Investing time in building deeper interactions leads to better relationship and stronger connection in our communities. Social media can be helpful in this respect to find like minded others and stay connected to existing people in our lives, no matter where they are in the world.
Being open, honest and sometimes vulnerable with others can cultivate deeper friendships and therefore foster strong community links. But in the modern discounted world this can sometimes we hard to find or share.
But there is plenty more we can also do. The following actions have shown to boost those feel good, energising chemicals; oxytocin and endorphins:
Human touch; a massage for/from a partner or hug from a friend, for example. Stroking a pet is also good.
Meaningful interactions; listen to others, allow them to share by asking open questions and keeping the focus on them, rather than jumping in with advice or our own experience. Being open to share our feelings with them too.
Finding arenas where you are authentically you - the outdoors, playing sport, finding groups who share your passions.
Look into volunteering options - to contribute in areas you have passion for.
Acts of kindness; this could be as simple as holding the door for others, giving up your seat on a bus, sending a card.
Small positive interactions; Give a ’good morning’ and a smile to the people you pass, or a neighbour (although you need to be resilient to a ‘non-responder’ (!) - other people may not be in a good place for whatever reason, or you catch them ‘off guard’.
Be aware that stress puts us into a fight/flight/freeze mode and therefore our tendency toward being social can be reduced (as we are putting all our efforts into freezing, escaping, fighting for survival). This can be a good indicator for us to look at stress management as a priority. Nevertheless, investing time and energy in the people you are close to and/or cultivating close friendships (whilst you may not feel like it at the time) can be an excellent antidote to stress.
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